unveilingthebeautywithin

Well so far i am doing GREAT today!  Only at about 1250 calories and am going to eat a few hundred more.  I want to lose this weight!!  The discussion of another baby has been coming up a lot and i would really like to lose 15-20 pounds before that happens and make sure i keep walking and stay healthy throughout the next pregnancy.  For some reason i always want to start up around the holidays which is the hardest time i think.. i did it last year so i can do it again this year!!

I have been sick since Monday with a sore throat, ears hurting, terrible headache, etc.  Then yesterday i got into a car accident on the way to work.  So i was at the ER last night for the wreck and then my doctor today for the sickness.. i found out i have ear infections in both ears and pharyngitis.  I havent been eating very much at all because it hurts to swallow or even talk.  The scale has been up though and i don’t know why!!!!!  Argh.. not that i enjoy feeling like crap but i was at least hoping that my eating of less calories would help me out a little.  My husband and I had a really great workout on Tuesday and then with the wreck Wednesday my ab’s have been killing me with spasams.  Luckily my legs are just fine but the rest of me is pretty bad and sore.  They gave me some meds to help but i still don’t think i will be working out until all my stiffness, soreness, and spasams go away.  Ugh i am just such a mess lately!!!!  I am just disappointed because im scared this is going to derail me from what i was wanting to work toward again.  I know i should just be thankful that my son and I are ok and not worry so much about keeping up with my workouts.  All i should think about now is rest, fluids, and vitamin C!

Grr… i ate over my calories and the second i did it i regreted it.  I was already at my max calories for the day and was really hungry.. so i ate some cereal, then some more cereal (no milk both times), and then a few mm’s.  So then i ended up doing a bunch of squats and lunges because i felt SO guilty!!  All i can say is thank you God that tomorrow is a new day and i can start all over again. :o)

I went a little over on calories yesterday but not by much.  I am doing good so far today!  I have already done my ab workout and am going walking after my son wakes up from his nap.  Mostly i am just struggling with being really hungry.  I know it takes awhile to get used to eating so much less.. i have done this before so i KNOW i can do it again!

Hmm what can i say??  I have just been very very bad.  I broke my foot back in April and ever since i have stopped working out and started eating whatever i want!!!  I weigh every few days to make sure im not screwing myself.  I have been averaging about 174 to 172.  I am happy that i havent gained much back but am getting REALLY sick of myself again.  I have started a new job at a preschool working with 2 year olds and am exhsausted.. i think i am getting more used to the stress and exhaustion and am ready to work on myself again.  I have been putting it off for way to long. :o( My husband has switched from the Marine Corps to the Army and will be leaving for his new job training early next year.  He has been working so hard on his running in the morning (he is getting up at 4:45am everyday), then going to the gym 3 times a week to do abs and upper body, and he is starting to count his calories.  I am very impressed and it is making me feel incredibly guilty!!!  He doesent need to lose much weight and mostly just wants to get back into shape.  So far today i have had 1515 calories and am DYING to eat more!!!  I WILL resist.  This is always the hardest part for me.. starting over and feeling hungry a lot. :oP No fun.. but no pain no gain. 

 Things i am looking to gain:

confidence

contentment

more energy

to look good in shorts

to look good in a batheing suit

to look good with nothing on. LOL!

to feel beautiful again

to be in better shape before i have another baby

Well.. here i go again.  No it’s not fun, but i got myself here, and am not giving up until i get myself out.  Noone is at fault but me but i like myself enough to try hard at getting the real me back.  Someone who is just happier and doesent worry and beat myself up about what i have done to get here.  Wish me luck! :o)

Ohh my gosh im hungry!!  I have been doing good for 4 days now!  At the moment i am STARVING!  It’s 10pm and i have gone a tad over my calories today.  I was dumb and ate without adding everything up to see how much i had left.. ohh well.  It was only 150 over.  I am just wondering how long i am going to be hungry for??  how long does it take for my stomach to shrink back to a “normal” size?!  Ohh geezz i just need to go to bed and try to not think about food.  I am not giving in because i know ill just be mad at myself.  Night Buddies! :o)

All i know is that ever since i broke my foot in April i just can’t seem to get back on track.  I obviously had to stop a lot of my regular workouts but i could have stuck to eating right.  I don’t know what is wrong with me and why i can’t just do it!  I can get back into running now and i have no excuse for not sticking to my calories.  Today i am doing good so far.. but it’s still 9:30am. :oP

I just can’t seem to get back on track.  I WANT it but i guess i don’t want it bad enough right now.  SO frusterating because i know i can do it.  I lost 36 pounds and i only want to lose about another 25-30.  I use food as comfort, a drug, my stress reliver.  I am very aware of it but still can’t seem to take control and just stop and start up my routine again.  I feel very lazy and beat myself up about it but still wont get my butt off the couch and workout!!!  Today i forced myself to do something and that something turned into 10 minutes on the treadmill half walking half jogging at a 5% incline.  I realize i am just hurting myself here and that i am in control of if i do it or not.  I just feel tired and don’t feel like doing anything.  Just GREAT especially when i want to lose weight.  :o( UGH!!!!  So tonight instead of snacking (which i almost always do) while watching tv i am chewing extra gum and absolutely not letting myself eat another bite.  My baby steps to success are the tiniest baby steps ive ever seen.  Is half trying tonight better then not trying at all?  That’s all im giving myself right now and it’s just sad.  I need to like me again and believe that i am worth it again!!!

This past week i worked out 3 times!!  WOO HOO!  My plan was to start out very slow with the walking and easing into jogging and then running.  The first time i got on the treadmill since i broke my foot i was able to jog 10 minutes!  I am being VERY careful so don’t worry!  I go barefoot around the house and chase my 2 year old all the time and it never bothers me.  This was the first time in shoes i was able to do that!  So the next 2 times i got on the treadmill i also ran 10 minutes and just uped the speed to whatever felt comfortable.  That made me feel good that all the running 2 months ago wasnt thrown completely out the window.  This week im shooting for 4 workouts.  My eating is still SO bad.  That is the hardest thing for me.  I have never enjoyed working out but can usually force myself to do it.  The eating however i do so subconciously and will do good the first half of the day then get so caught up in life and dealing with a toddler i just start eating whatever.  I hate that it takes SO long to get back on track 100%.  I know ill get there… that determination is sitting extremely close to the surface!

Yes i am finally going to work out!!!  I havent worked out since i broke my foot in the end of April.  I did a few upper body workouts but then we got into this whole house buying thing and i did zero workouts.  Off i go!!