unveilingthebeautywithin

This day!!!!!! I did very well with my calories up until dinner.. for some reason i thought lean ground beef didnt have many calories. Oops! I made burgers on our indoor grill and they were amazing. I then ate another burger.. just the meat. I had about 700 calories left but i was way off on how much was in lean beef. Oops. :o/ Ive had a pretty crappy evening with let down after let down and then messed up my calories! On top of that i didnt make it to the gym. It closes in less then an hour. Ok so today was a parital F A I L. Tomorrow no matter what will be a SUCCESS! Even after just 3 days i felt like my jeans were loose on me! I need to stop thinking so much about all of it… stop thinking and start DOING! I think and think and want to lose weight.. ive been doing it for 8 years. Nothing changes by “thinking” i cant “think” the fat away. I want to change it.. im tired of thinking and wanting and i want to DO!

Im doing a little better! I am on day 3 of my diet. Ive been going to Zumba when they have evening classes which is only twice a week. I wish it was more often! I am such a slacker at the gym.. ill do my 30 minutes cardio and then leave. I HATE working out. Zumba forces me to workout for a full hour! Now the hard part comes….. being consistant.

I dont have a full length mirror here in Korea. The only time i see ALL of me is the mirror in the elevator. I get 11 floors to look and adjust everytime i go up and down! I finally bought a full length mirror that sits on the floor so its angled a little. I set it up last night and took a good look at myself.. and then i cried. I dont know what i am doing.. what am i doing to myself? I went off of Birth Control the end of December and suddenly gained 10 pounds. So im up 20 pounds since moving to Korea. I am miserable and feel so bad about myself. I feel like im trying but i know im not “really” trying. Im at the point where it is the hardest to pick myself up and do something about it. I just HAVE to do it. I just dont know how to bring myself to it right now.

I knew my regular clothes were getting tighter in the beginning of Nov. Even since Thanksgiving i have done horrible eating whatever i want and baking like crazy. Finally Christmas day my husband had ordered a lot of clothes for me (in sizes i told him to get me) as my gifts. Basically nothing fit. :O( Not good to feel gross and fat on Christmas. By that evening i was DONE! I allowed myself to have a nice dinner etc but once i got home from my friends house i worked my ass off doing my buns of steel video! The next day i went to the gym for 30 minutes of cardio and a 10 min ab workout. Monday the 27th i went to a Zumba class, the 28th 30 minutes of cardio. I am already feeling so much better. My pants are still tight of course but i dont feel so gross anymore and not hating myself so much. Today is already the 29th for me in Korea and i have a busy afternoon ahead but hoping to get to the gym tonight for some cardio. I absolutely HATE dieting and working out. But i also hate myself when i dont. For me it just takes time to get to the point to make myself worth it and start doing something about it! I fail…. all the time. I realize this. This is life and ive never been able to do anything easily. I wish it were. All i can do is never stop trying, even when i do fail, get right back up and try again.

I wish i knew WHAT derailed me this time… i dont know.. i cant even remember the day i went back to my old habits. I am a HORRIBLE stress eater… i am very stressed out. My husband works a lot. 7 days a week 15+ hour days right now. You might understand that its been like this because my husband is in the Army and we live in South Korea about 12 miles from the border. Things are hectic. I cant seem to stop eating. I need help. :O( I ask myself while im doing this “why?” I start to go a little crazy sitting around in my stress and not doing anything so i eat. I feel as though i should punish myself with a killer gym workout but i sprained my ankle less then a week ago so that is out of the question. Im feeling so crappy and i dont know what to do! I am addicted to food. I do have an eating problem, i realize this, i accept this, i just cant seem to change it.

Still doing great on my eating!! Im dreaming in CAKE and eating out but im resisting!!! :oD

I want to weigh 160 by Christmas. That will be 20 pounds down from when i started this time around! I am STILL doing good on my eating!! :OD I find that im REALLY hungry around 2pm every day.  I have been eating a Healthy Choice frozen meal or a Weight Watchers and they just dont keep me full very long!  Ive been doing ok not pigging out snacking but its not been easy. I printed out the definition of self control and then put it on my fridge and vanity. Any time i just want to give up or cheat i read it and it helps me resist!!

 Self control is the ability to control one’s emotions, behavior and desires in order to obtain some reward later, is the capacity of efficient management to the future.

YES! Im proud of myself for sticking with it!! No i didnt do any exercise yesterday.. :o( i know that will really help. Before when i was losing weight i counted my calories down to every bite and this time around i am counting but im eating when hungry and stopping when im satisfied. If i am dying for something sweet ill have a little bit of something sweet! This way i dont feel like i cant have ANYTHING. Thats the worst part for me.. especially because i have a big sweet tooth and LOVE to bake!

Today is day #5. Yesterday i did have an “oops” and ate nachos for dinner since my hubby worked late and i didnt end up making the chicken i had planned. :o( Suprisingly today im right back on track.. a lot of times when i “mess up” i just give up. I like to see instant results which i know thats not how it works… but when i dont i get very discouraged. I am not doing much exercise… bluntly because i HATE IT!! Haha. I have been going to Zumba off and on but i have been sick and we were only allowed to ship one car to Korea so most days i dont have a car to get myself there. My husband keeps telling me if i WOULD exercise then i probably would be seeing more of those results i so desperately want. Ugh… we shall see. I might be taking my son to the park today and could do a little there. It feels like tourture!!

Sounds soo easy. I wish it were. Today and yesterday and the day before i HAVE made the choice to control my eating. I know myself and i give up easily.. im trying to stay determined!!!!

 Self control is the ability to control one’s emotions, behavior and desires in order to obtain some reward later, is the capacity of efficient management to the future.